Holy Mary Mother of God!

I was making some "bomb-ass" steaks on the grill this weekend and I let the T.V. decide what it wanted to show. It's one of those "smart TVs", so it had a good idea of what I like, you know, from all that spying on me. While I was preparing the marinade it started playing something sentimental from my past- because apparently my TV knows me in that way. You know, intimately. Like it watched you grow up, I tell you, these algorithms are out of control. But nonetheless it knew that I wanted some good old 80s nostalgia.  

So I am tenderizing the steaks and in the back ground I hear something I haven't heard in far to long. That sound was the sound of a prison escape, followed by and ORV chase on a beach in Oregon, with the police, and the sounds of 7 kids just loving the 80's even though they are about to be kicked out of their homes by the "cheap guy" Troy and his douche bag father.

Some of you Gen-Xers know what I am talking about. Some of you know about the treasure, the pirates, and the secret note- "B" flat. That's right, this week I am diving into a movie that shouldn't have ever been greenlit, a movie that just doesn't seem like it should work, hold on to your "one eyed Willy" we are going to go back 4 decades to "The Goonies".  

It was the last decade in which anything really mattered, the last decade without the internet, or a least a useful one (for all of you people shoving your glasses up your nose and preparing to say "um actually"). It was the last decade where kids played outside and had to be home by the time the "street lights came on". It was a decade of really good music and not so good hair. We had fun, we knew how to party, and we knew how to survive... for the most part. 

As I was making the steaks I started listening to the show, which was playing in the living room. I could not see it from the kitchen. I was utterly overwhelmed, I missed the 80's for the first time in a long time. I hurried up and finished the marinade and the steak and then went and sat down to polish off a slice of awesomeness. 

I have mentioned that there really isn't a reason for why this movie worked. Now, for those of you who don't "get it", this doesn't really apply to you. But for those of you who feel the magic of The Goonies, this ones for you. As I was watching I realized something about the show. There will never be another movie like The Goonies... ever. 

So lets go over what the movie got right, lets establish why its a classic and why it resonates so deeply in the hearts of so many latchkey kids. 

First, this show is WYSIWYG. There is nothing hard to understand about this show. It tells the classic "hero's journey". There is no guessing as to what the kids motivations are- it's very clear. Save the homes of the main characters and the families, save the friendships and the childhood that comes with them. This movie was loved because it embodied one simple thing- adventure. And it's the kind of absurd adventure that ALL children love, or at the very least can recognize. 

Second, this show is fun. Stupid fun that just makes the inner child do summersaults with glee. Like the late night D&D sessions when your 11, that kind of fun. The weekend, staying up all night playing Super Mario Brothers sort of joy. Just pure unadulterated fun. A little raunchy, a little sensitive, a little bit of everything in just the right amounts. Like a good chocolate chip cookie, sometimes, it just gets nailed. 

It's the kind of fun that makes you want to visit Astoria and see the "Goonies house" just so you can remember what it's like to be a kid again- sorry to all those who missed it. 

The cast in this show had something special too. They all had connection and chemistry. It was easy to believe that they were actually friends in real life, easy to believe that they teased each other mercilessly but were able still be friends. That even "Chunk" was a relevant part of the gang. The chemistry lined up, right down to the bad-guys, the douche land developer, the "Fratellies" and their basement brother "Sloth". This is the movie, that no matter what else happened, made me respect Corey Feldman. Even though he hasn't really done any movies outside of the 80's that I actually like, he nailed it when he was a kid. He will always hold a special place in my heart because he was "Mouth". 

I noticed something about the dynamics in the film, something that we don't have today, and it was comforting. None of the kids hate their parents, they all like their parents. They are looking for the treasure because "the country club is killing their parents". They risk life and limb because they know their parents want "the best of stuff for them" and they have to do "what's right for them up there". I haven't seen a movie where the kids actually like their parents in a long time. It was refreshing. So damn refreshing. I miss that, mostly because I never had that kind of relationship with my parents. This movie is full of optimism, positive messages, and poignant moments despite all the cheese. 

It was a flawed movie too, nothing about it was perfect. There are places where the actors crack a little, places where the actors use the wrong names. Entire scenes were cut from the movie, like the infamous "Octopus" scene which is mentioned but was also removed. When the police are asking about what happened at the end, Data says "The octopus was very scary", in reference to it. But, rather then ruining the film, they add to it's charm. Little things that you notice, but also forgive so goddamned easy. 

Lastly, the music to this film is just wonderful. My man card is not in jeopardy for saying this, but Cyndi Lauper owns a spot in my head right next to the pirates and the Italian mob. The other music in the film, the ambient music that accompanies the pivotal reveals in the movie was brilliant! It's slow trance like chiming captures wonder and amazement, it paints the film with the heart and soul of childhood explorers.  

This is one of those movies that, even though I know really isn't that good on paper, I cannot bring myself to criticize. There is just something about it, it's a piece of the 80s, a piece of my childhood. It's one of those movies that is still good 40 years later. I fight this with every fiber of my being, but I can't bring myself to admit that The Goonies shouldn't be as good as it is. 

Some of you know what I mean...

Cheers!